If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
