Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
