We named our party play list daddy issues
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
