so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
