I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Alive.
So much puke
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
