Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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