He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
