this will be a night to untag.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
