Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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