Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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