Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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