Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there is glitter all over my balls
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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