i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.