Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol