It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
