I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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