Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
