im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
