i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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