No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
