Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
