I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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