I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
please don't ironically join a cult
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