I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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