I think my fart just growled at me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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