Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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