My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
