my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i now understand why vodka
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
