yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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