The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
