yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
