What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
