is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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