I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
