my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
