Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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