Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
