you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
