Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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