it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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