This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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