what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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