Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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