One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
