What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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