Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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