I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
