nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
