I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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