Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
