he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
