I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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