mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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