Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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