that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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