I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
